Where Is Home? "Home is a person, not a place"
Even when I bought my own house, I never decorated it, and I never fully unpacked. I only had a bed, sofa, and a bookcase. The kitchen was the only room that had things it in really.
I have spent time in lots of towns, countries and places; l have lived in a few different cities and met lots of people, but I always thought my home was Liverpool.
I went to Liverpool for University and I absolutely loved it there. I have always had some form of connection to Liverpool. There are particular places within that city that I go to and feel at ease. The city is a tonic to me. The place is bustling and the people there are amazing. QThe places I tend to visit most are:
The Adelphi Hotel - For some reason, the film: ‘The Grand Budapest Hotel’ reminds me of this place. It is literally falling apart in front of our eyes.
The Albert Dock - Just behind the Pier Masters House is where I like to sit.
The Anglican Cathedral - I had a friend in University who said that her grandfather started his apprenticeship whilst this building was being erected, and retired on the same site before it was fully finished - imagine that.
Everton Park - I love walking here and seeing the panoramic views of the city.
Liverpool was my ‘home’ for a small amount of time - four years to be exact. Even though I am closely connected to the city on an emotional level, I don’t think I’ll ever return there to live. I will however, ask you to put some of my ashes in the River Mersey behind the Pier Masters House (The link is above).
It's taken me a long time (Opsimath Dad), but I realise that my connection to Liverpool is one based on fantastic memories. It was the first time in my life I didn’t have the pressure of living up to peoples standards. I was free to express and develop myself. It was the first time I met true friends outside of my small friendship group and felt accepted. I began developing into an adolescent in Liverpool.
For a long time after leaving Liverpool, I believed that the feeling it gave me was one of ‘home’. However, upon reflection, I was also in love with the memories I have there. I have had many opportunities to return to the city to work and live, but each time I stay where I am.
One of my downfalls in this life was that I fought my way out of a problem or a ran away. Just ask your mother. Once, when I was very down, I heard her tell someone that she loved him. Instead of being the old me and laughing it off and telling the person that I loved them too, I literally packed up and left. Yet, even when we broke up completely, I never entertained living anywhere other than close to you all. If Liverpool was my ‘home’ I would have got a job there and gone back as soon as I lost everything.
The question I asked myself was, why didn’t I go back?
Enter your mothers words (although I think she stole them from the Croods): "Home is a person, not a place".
The reason I have moved around and worked away is threefold:
- Because I needed the work experience
- I had no one special enough to keep me in a single place
- I got into a habit of thinking that moving around would solve whatever I was experiencing
Because of the Pandemic, we had to rush to move in with each other because we would not have seen each other otherwise. I do not regret this one bit.
As grumpy and as down as I got through the Pandemic, your mother was always my home. Home provides safety, love, warmth, protection. Your mother, brother and I provided each other with these things for the majority of our relationship. There was a certain feeling of ‘home’ that I got when we cwtched at night; when I heard her music blasting from the car; when she laughed; when we’d touch; looked at each other; and, when I’d make her food and cups of tea. I also felt at ‘home’ when we argued. This may seem strange, but even in the midst of our bad patch, I still felt peace. The feeling of ‘home’ also came from your brother.
I know this is true because no matter where in the world we would have gone, we’d have always felt at home. I now get this feeling from the thought of you too. I guarantee you that your mother and brother and hopefully I, will give you the same feelings.
As you can see, Liverpool was one of my ‘special places’ (we will talk about this in the future). This maybe because your mother is right:
“Home is a person, not a place”.
You are amazingly lucky to have a loving and caring family around you. Both my side of the family and your mothers side of the family will be your home, and you will be ours.
What can my experiences teach you:
- Travel, explore, test yourself. I will always be there if you need me. I will be your secure base. A part of me thinks your mother never travelled because she never needed to. She had everyone she needed. She has always been ‘home’. This may also be true for you too.
- Try not to be too romantic about the idea of home being a person. The person could come in the form of a romantic relationship, friendship, family or pet. Don’t worry if you meet multiple people who make you feel at home and then the relationship dwindles and dies. Everything changes - this is one of the very few constants in life. You may feel at home in different places during different parts of your life. That’s ok.
- Don’t unpack until you really do feel at home. There is nothing wrong with taking your time to settle and deciding whether the person, job or place is for you.
- You don’t have to go travelling or seeking yourself in another city or country. No matter how many times you try to physically pack and leave, you still have to unpack when you get there. This is a great metaphor for the troubles we carry in life: we can try and pack ourselves up and move, but even when we get there, we are still the same person, with the same history. I suppose I’m trying to say that you can sort your shit out wherever you are, but you can’t run away from yourself. Face things head on.
- Home is unconditional love.
- There is a difference between home and a special place.
