Your Brother "Love is an action, not just a word"
Your brother
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| He loves meatballs and pasta. |
The lady I rent off asked me earlier “What’s your son having for Christmas?” I couldn’t tell her because I didn’t know. This hurt deeply but gave me such a loving feeling thinking about him.
You live in the west and every time I see the sun set I think about you having food at 6pm and then settling in to bed. So, when you look out of your mothers top window and you see the sun is setting, know that i’m also looking at the same scene thinking about you. You are all so loved.
I won’t say too much about your brother because you’re going to be with him all the time. You’ve probably already heard his voice and laugh.
The lady I rent off asked how my son was because every time I met someone, I would introduce him as my son. This is because, in my eyes, he will always be my son. If he ever needs a single thing, I’d be there for him. I hope that if he ever reads my posts he realises that the messages throughout this entire blog are also for him. I am always here for him.
The first time I met him was in Frankie and Bennies. He wore a shirt and fingerless gloves. He had gelled his hair and was really quite quiet and anxious. From the moment I met him, I had this protective force over me and we were always together.
During the first year of my relationship with your mother, there was a pandemic. Im not going to talk about this here as it is going to be all you hear about. Anyway, this meant that your mother worked at the hospital being a hero, while I worked from home and looked after your brother.
We would cycle, swim, walk, play football, camp, cwtch and watch tv, and loads of other things. This is because love is an action, not a word. You will hear this from me lots during these posts. Spending quality time together is what builds a relationship. So, don’t worry, I’m going to try my best to be able to see you as much as possible and do any activities you like. We will also ask your brother if he’d like to join us.
Me, your mother and your brother would laugh constantly at the stupid things we would do together. Two things to ask us about is the chocolate bum story and the funny sock story. I once taught him how to choke me out- which became a funny mistake as he would climb on the sofa and strangle me from behind testing to see how long i’d last.
It wasn’t all perfect though. I became very sad during the pandemic and I began shutting off from your mother and brother. We’d sometimes have disagreements because I had never been a dad before, I brought things to the relationship I had learnt from my upbringing that weren’t helpful. But then, with the aide of your mother, I was slowly getting better at:
- Telling people I loved them, even if I was annoyed
- Getting help for the depression I had developed
- Being less over protective
- Giving him the space and time he needed to find himself. For example, he was one of those children who could turn their hand to anything and excel - especially at sport. So, maybe I pushed him when he wasn’t interested
- I once forgot that he was a child when he was walking up a mountain with your mother and tried to motivate him in the wrong way. Then your mother took over and showed me how to say things like “you’re 80% at the top, you’ve done amazing”. Then Karma bit me because I fell flat on my face in the snow and every laughed their heads off. She really is a perfect mother, you are so lucky
- Remembering I can’t control his choices in life
Ultimately, everything I did was because I loved him so much. I will do the same for you. He and your mother gave me an apprenticeship on how to be a dad. I think it went ok, but there was loads of room for improvement. He once sent me a fathers day card that said something along the lines of “I know you aren’t my real dad, but you are to me”. I really do love him. I just didn’t show it enough.
Things you will quickly learn about your brother:
- Kind, considerate and loving
- Funny
- Athletic
- Protective of your mother
- Loves his tribe, his family
- Is amazing with babies
- Has great morals and values
- Clever
- Handsome
- Thoughtful
- Sensitive
I hope you learn from my experience of being a dad, that:
- Love is an action, not a word
If you love someone, show them - regardless of what’s going on
- Get to know your brother. He will love you dearly and you will love him
- Support each other
- Learn from each other
- Challenge each other
- Play with each other and laugh
- Protect each other
- Help him to look after your mother
- Show you love each other through actions, as well as words
- Your brother is also my son and I love the both of you
